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  • Katrina Lloyd Cole & Ottilie Armitage-Brown


1. Go to bed at the same time. (Skin touching settles the sympathetic and limbic systems.)

2. Cultivate common interests.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.

4 Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.

5. Focus deliberately more on what your partner does right for you than what he/she does wrong. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after being seperated. Skin has memory of "good touch" (love) "bad touch" (abused), "no touch" (neglected). Saying hello with a hug keeps our skin bathed in "good touch" which can inoculate the spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say "I love you" and, "Have a good day!" every morning. This plumps you up with patience and tolerance as you set out to face the world.

8. Say, "Goodnight" regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner, irrespective of how upset you may feel, that you still want to be in relationship. It says that what you want to have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a "weather check" during the day - just to see how her/his day is going. And it gives your prior warning of what to expect, rather than being taken by suprise or feeling disappointed that she/he is unable to be there for you, or share something good, something that has happened in your day.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner: holding hands sends the message that you belong with each other.

21 days of daily repetition of a new behaviour is necessary for it to become a new habit.

Select one from the above list and do it for 21 days.

If you miss: apologise and pick up from where you were, celebrating that you noticed.

The picture on the front of this section is of my cat Shifu (which means "teacher" in Chinese).

He earned his name because he is extremely good at teaching children how to regulate themselves. Their overriding desire to have him choose to stay with them and purr to them, has meant that they have found the way to settle into quiet long enough to do this and feel a sense of peace he is the master of!

Finding things that make you go, "Ah ...." is extremely nourishing.


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